Setting Boundaries With Your Latine Family
Written by Isabel Vasquez RD, LDN
Boundaries are one of the most authentic forms of self-care, especially if you’re working on improving your relationship with food. They help us ensure our environment is as supportive of us making peace with food and our bodies as possible.
During the process of finding food freedom, comments on our weight or eating habits can be triggering. That’s where setting boundaries comes in.
Boundaries can definitely be hard to set initially, but as with most things, it gets easier with time.
For Latines, there are unique considerations for setting boundaries because of our unique family dynamics and cultural values.
In this blog, we’ll share examples of boundaries you can set around food and body comments, considerations for setting boundaries in the Latine community, and what to do when someone doesn’t honor your boundaries.
What Are Boundaries?
As described by therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab in her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, setting boundaries includes both communicating the boundary and then following through on enforcing it.
We must clearly share the boundary we wish to set and then, if it is not honored, continue to remind the person of the boundary and not tolerate it being ignored.
The boundaries can be with ourselves and/or with others. Some examples of boundaries that might feel supportive in your food freedom journey are:
Asking your mother not to comment on your weight
Asking your partner not to comment on how much or what you’re eating
Not participating in weight-centric movement classes
Taking a 30-minute lunch break daily
Asking your friend not to talk about their latest fad diet with you
Setting Boundaries in the Latine Community
A key consideration in setting boundaries in our Latine community is that our community is more collectivist than the U.S., which tends to be very individualistic.
Sometimes, boundaries can feel very selfish. So, setting a boundary with your Latine family might feel to them like you’re dishonoring them or like you’re being disrespectful.
Especially since we’re taught to respect our elders and not contradict them, boundaries might not be received well when they’re communicated to older relatives.
They do involve a bit of separation from our family in determining what our individual needs are and communicating them.
That being said, in your intuitive eating journey, you may start to notice unhelpful patterns that have been normalized in your family.
Of course, how you decide to approach that is an individual decision.
Your preferred approach may be different than someone else’s, so it’s an opportunity to connect with your unique needs. Would you rather set a direct boundary? Stop engaging in those conversations? Try moving out of your parents’ house?
If you’re practicing intuitive eating, it might mean that you’re already breaking a familial cycle of dieting. You noticed an unhelpful pattern in how food and weight were addressed and took action to change that for yourself.
Could boundaries be a complementary part of that same process?
Would setting boundaries help you feel more safe and comfortable showing up in those community spaces?
Boundaries are intended to help us feel safe and comfortable in our relationships. They are not meant to harm our relationships at all, but rather to make them more fulfilling.
Reinforcing Your Boundaries
Sometimes, you might feel stuck if you tried really hard to set a boundary and the other person just isn’t honoring it.
You may feel like you’ve really put yourself out there by trying to express your needs, so it can be super frustrating when the other person doesn’t understand.
When the boundaries have to do with food and weight, it might be tough for the other person to understand as they likely also have decades worth of entrenched food and weight beliefs. Reflecting on this might help foster some empathy, although it’s not meant to excuse disrespectful comments.
One option is to reinforce the boundary by reminding the person of your request. Change can be tough, so they may need a bunch of reminders in order to change their behavior.
If it gets out of hand and ending the relationship is not in the cards, then shifting towards acceptance and setting internal boundaries may be the next best options.
We can hold space for where the other person is in regards to their relationship with food and their body, and instead of trying to get them to understand our new insights, we can focus on what we value about the relationship and steer the conversation that way.
We can also set internal boundaries—say, mentally “checking out” or reframing their comments—to prevent further internalizing any diet culture messaging we hear.
Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries is no easy feat, yet it can be immensely beneficial in ensuring we have safe and fulfilling relationships with the people we love.
It’s likely that as you embrace intuitive eating, you’ll need to consider setting new boundaries to protect yourself as you heal your relationship with food and your body.
Remember that reinforcing the boundary is just as important as setting it in the first place.
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If you liked this post, you may also like:
The Pros and Cons of Intuitive Eating for Latinas
