Saying 'I feel fat' can be harmful. Here's what to say instead.
Written by Isabel Vasquez RD, LDN
If you’re “feeling fat”, you may mean that you’re feeling bad in your body or that you’re dealing with a tough emotion. Fat isn’t a feeling, after all, but many people say or think “I feel fat” at some point in time.
Most of the time when someone says, “I feel fat”, they don’t mean any harm by it, but it can be a means of perpetuating anti-fat bias. Usually, the implication is that fat=bad. It can be used to imply negative character traits or an undesirable body. However, being fat isn’t a bad thing.
Saying “I feel fat” to indicate a negative experience may harm people around you. It may also prevent you from getting to the root of your struggle.
Learn why “I feel fat” isn’t usually helpful for you or your loved ones, and how to cope with what’s really going on.
Fat Is Not A Feeling, But Struggling With Your Body Image Is Valid.
Fat is not a feeling. You may have seen social media posts preaching this by now, particularly if you follow a lot of fat positive accounts. And it’s true! When you look at a list of emotions, fat is definitely not on there.
This isn’t to say that your feelings are invalid; they’re totally valid! When you say you feel fat, you may mean that you’re struggling with your body image. Since our society is so steeped in anti-fat bias, many people seek weight loss and fear weight gain. Body image struggles abound.
However, expressing your experience more authentically may better serve you and those around you because using the word “fat” in a derogatory or negative way can perpetuate harmful anti-fat bias.
Feeling Fat in Eating Disorder Treatment
If you are in eating disorder treatment, “feeling fat” may be a common experience for you. Eating consistent, adequate meals and snacks can initially increase your anxiety and body image struggles.
Particularly if you are in need of weight restoration due to anorexia nervosa or if you are struggling with binge eating, you may have a lot of negative feelings about yourself and your body.
Dealing with an eating disorder is a vulnerable place to be, and it makes sense you’d be struggling with your body image. It’s also a time to question the beauty ideals fed to you by society.
Rather than saying, “I feel fat”, it may help to say “I’m struggling with my body image”, “I’m struggling to follow my treatment meal plan”, “I’m uncomfortably full”, or whatever else authentically explains your experience.
This can help others to support you better. It can also help you to become more in tune with your internal experience.
“Fat” Doesn’t Need To Have A Negative Connotation.
Part of the issue with saying “I feel fat” is that it implies that fat is bad. However, fat is not bad and there is a lot to be celebrated about being fat.
Vinny Welsby (aka @fierce.fatty on Instagram), a fat positive speaker and educator, has a wonderful post outlining 28 benefits of being fat. Plus, the idea that being fat means you are unhealthy is false.
Related: Does Weight Equal Health?
When we say “I feel fat”, it typically indicates a negative emotion or experience. As a result, it perpetuates the idea that fatness equals a bunch of negative things. Plus, a lot of people who say “I feel fat” aren’t actually fat.
Unfortunately, because of anti-fat bias, fatness is often associated with negative character traits, partly because many people believe fatness is a choice. While some people may choose to be fat, many people’s bodies are naturally larger and there is nothing wrong with that.
An increasing number of fat folks committed to body liberation are reclaiming the word fat by using it as a neutral or even positive descriptor. Just like shoe size or height, fat doesn’t have to have a negative connotation; it can simply be a way of describing your body size.
Using The Word Fat In A Negative Way Perpetuates Anti-Fat Bias.
When we use the word fat in a negative way, like by saying “I feel fat” to indicate a negative experience, we perpetuate anti-fat bias.
Unfortunately, in our society, fatness has become associated with laziness, gluttony, a lack of willpower, undesirability, and unhappiness. Even medical providers hold these beliefs, per a 2019 study in Primary Health Care Research & Development (CW: weight stigmatizing language).
These are all myths, yet they are widespread. In reality, fatness doesn’t mean you have any specific personality traits or that you are worth any less than thin people. When we use the word fat in a negative way, we perpetuate the idea that fatness implies negative traits. It implies to your fat friends and loved ones that you don’t want to be like them.
Expressing How You Really Feel May Help You And Your Loved Ones.
Struggling with your body image is, unfortunately, an incredibly common experience in our society. Many people struggle with body image because of the prevalent anti-fat bias and unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated in the media. This can really take a toll on your emotional and mental health.
Rather than figuring out how to not feel fat, consider how you can tend to what’s really going on in your mind and body. Here are some ways to cope and better express yourself.
Identify the Underlying Emotion
When you say you feel fat, it may be helpful to consider what is underlying that “feeling”.
Fat isn’t an emotion, but when you say you feel fat, it may be a sign you are feeling an emotion you haven’t pinpointed yet. Using a feelings wheel (as corny as it may sound) can help you pinpoint the emotion you are feeling.
Consider Physical Sensations or Body Changes
You may also be feeling physical sensations that you’re expressing as “feeling fat”. For example, maybe you’re feeling bloated, you’re uncomfortably full, your thighs are chafing, or your pants are feeling tighter today.
These experiences can all bring up body image issues that you may sum up by saying “I feel fat”. Yet, identifying those specific experiences gives you the power to tend to your needs.
For example, you can do stretches to relieve bloating, use anti-chafing cream or wear spandex to prevent chafing, and wear pants with an elastic waistband or purchase bigger ones.
How You Speak About Fatness May Impact Those Around You
If you’re saying “I feel fat” to those around you, it may impact them as well, especially if they live in a larger body.
Since “I feel fat” usually indicates negative feelings, it’s indirectly saying that fatness is bad. Hearing you say “I feel fat” may make your fat loved ones feel bad. It could also exacerbate fear of weight gain in your loved ones with eating disorders or poor body image.
Sharing your specific emotional or physical experience may be more helpful and less harmful to those around you. So, rather than saying “I feel fat”, you might say “I feel bloated”, “I feel insecure”, or “I feel uncomfortable in my clothes” if that’s how you’re really feeling.
Final Thoughts
Many people say “I feel fat” and don’t mean any harm by it, yet it could hinder you from feeling better and perpetuate anti-fat bias. Tending to the underlying emotional or physical experience can help you express and understand yourself better.
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