Dalina Soto 0:02
Hola hola chulas.
Melissa Landry 0:04
Hi there. We are experts in intuitive eating for on again off again chronic dieters, and we are here to help you take the guilt and stress out of eating so you can become the first in your family to break the diet cycle, just like we are in our families.
Dalina Soto 0:19
We want you to be who you are without food guilt.
Melissa Landry 0:22
Be sure to follow us on Instagram. No more guilt for Melissa and your Latina nutritionist for Dalina.
Dalina Soto 0:29
Are you ready? Let's break the diet cycle. By not to laugh. It's me the leader before we start I want to let you know that this episode is brought to you by your Latina nutrition but you're about to listen to is not a professional coaching or counseling session. Each episode is a one time conversation meant for educational purposes. We are dieticians. But we're not your dietitian. Remember that podcasts don't constitute treatment. If you have concerns about your dying behaviors, seek out guidance from a medical or mental health professional. And if you're looking for a community tools to ditch the diet, help with finding authentic health and keeping your culture alive. Join my membership brought to you by today's sponsor me. Many clients help that intimacy issues come up because of their body image. Have you ever had the idea your body was not sexy or desirable because of your shape or size? I think this episode is for you. You may wonder how do you start to become more sex positive as part of your body image work? Hello, this is something I've had to work a lot on. And what if your partner made a negative comment about you are someone else's body, it makes sense that it made you feel insecure about your own. So today, we will cover it all with Cindy Lou Kim, a bilingual certified sex educator from how we'll at the womb, that's where you can find her on Instagram. And by the way, obviously, this episode will talk about sex if now there's not the right time or place for you to be listening to this topic. Cindy taught us about consent. If you don't consent to listening to this topic today. Maybe you can just catch the next episode instead.
Melissa Landry 2:21
Before we start, and we told you lately how much we appreciate you. We appreciate that so many of you are out there breaking the bonds of generational diet trauma. By opening your minds and learning with us. It really means something you know, and deleted I created this podcast because our mission is to break the diet cycle for the next generation. And we know that can't happen without you. That's why if you found benefit from this podcast, we really want you to review and rate us. You know, someone just like you is feeling really lost right now. And by rating and reviewing the podcast, you make it more likely that she's going to find the information she needs, just like you did to break free from the diet cycle. Will you check them with us in rate or review the podcast today?
Dalina Soto 3:02
Hi, everyone, we are so so so excited to have this conversation with somebody who is also amazing at having this conversation because I feel like our listeners and even the people that we work with have a lot of questions about this. So I'm just gonna come out and say we're going to be talking about sex positivity.
Melissa Landry 3:29
And already being a little shy dolina saying this conversation Do you notice? We're talking about sex? Own it.
Dalina Soto 3:36
what did you say earlier segues and I was like, What the hell's his segue?
Melissa Landry 3:40
I see it on tick tock. Sometimes they talk about segues instead of sex. I don't know why they do it. But that's what I noticed them doing. Okay, well, I
Dalina Soto 3:47
didn't know that. Okay,
Melissa Landry 3:49
introduce our guest.
Dalina Soto 3:50
Cindy Is here from how at the room. I love it.
Cindy 4:02
What's up, everybody? Introduce yourself. Hi, everyone. I'm so excited to be here with the Lena and Melissa, thank you so much for inviting me to talk about this. I have such a passion for teaching people about very taboo things. So let's we can dive right into it when you're ready.
Dalina Soto 4:19
I love it. I love it. Like I was saying when I was like beating around the bush haha. I think this is a conversation and a topic that again is very taboo, like you said, and I think that it's taboo because many of us have grown up in purity culture. And I love talking about purity culture and how it intersects with body positivity. And also just how we view ourselves and how we expect others to view our bodies. So Cindy, can you tell us what purity culture is?
Cindy 4:55
Yeah, just a simple understanding purity culture is usually just this idea. idea or concept or philosophy, right? It could be religious or non religious. Usually it's religious, where you have this idea that having sexual purity, right, like being clean being untouched, saving yourself for marriage, having one sexual partner, all of those ideas comprise or makeup, what purity culture is. And so it's it's a narrative in this the United States of America that we we see that's like politically charged you know, and and a lot of people in political power do believe and continue pushing this narrative and that's why a lot of us are influenced by that.
Dalina Soto 5:42
Yeah. Oh my god. And I think that for me, I always think about like growing up Catholic and Melissa you also grow just about to say
Melissa Landry 5:48
my Catholic Heebie Jeebies are coming out. Yeah.
Dalina Soto 5:51
Yeah. It's so uncomfortable. Like I remember just like growing up, and like, no one ever talks I don't like I don't think my parents ever had a conversation with me about sex. Like, they were just like, Oh, you got pregnant by like, don't
Melissa Landry 6:05
do it. Don't do it.
Dalina Soto 6:08
Like, if it wasn't for my cousins, I would not have known like, they like sat me down the older ones. Like, what I got my period, and they're like, this is what happens. And but but my mom never, never said anything about it. And I think again, and I've said this in the podcast before, it's this idea that we need to be perfect and dainty and like, look 15 forever. Because if we don't look on hair, like no hair, and like baby smooth skin, and like tiny little waist, and like just like this pure, delicate, little person that's supposed to please a man but only in the bedroom. Like you can't let anybody else know that you're doing that. And like, leisure feels like such a like dirty word. And nobody wants to say it. Like, it's so taboo. But it definitely impacts our body ideals. So can you kind of like bridge that together? How does purity culture and everything that I said, impact how we feel about our bodies?
Cindy 7:06
Yeah, so myself, and how I got into this work is because culturally, I'm Salvadorian and watermelon. I was born here in the United States. So I also grew up in kind of Christianity and Catholicism. And what I noticed, and part of my my research when I was doing grad school is I really focused on Latin X communities, and Latin American history and all of that stuff. And culturally like these groups of people, our philosophies and ideologies, again, are influenced by purity culture, because of colonization, you know, I just need to say that because we all have different ideas and the way purity culture was taught to us, depending on your denomination, religion, whatever faith system, but specifically, you know, our communities and Delina, you know, you speak specifically to Latinas, right? Or Latin X people colonization is huge, huge, huge. And that was what drove purity culture. And so the way it affects body image, and how that intersects is it we have these ideas about how one should age how one should behave sexually, those things that you mentioned, what is considered sexy, you know, we see it in the media, usually thin, tall, light skin, straighter hair, well, now, you know, that changes, right with celebrity culture, and all of that stuff, pop culture. Now it's become BBLs, and it's become, you know, having bigger breasts, if you don't fit those things, it's going to start affecting you psychologically, and with your mental health. And it's all connected with how you connect with your body first, and then being vulnerable enough to express your sexuality with somebody else or other people.
Melissa Landry 9:01
It makes you question your desirability when you don't look like whatever is being presented as desirable because of media or advertisements or the trends. You know, even clothing trends might accentuate or work towards certain body types or others, which makes people feel excluded.
Cindy 9:19
Mm hmm. Yeah, definitely. And when you're growing up, you know, that affects you a lot. It was, according to a study in 20 2040 to 50% of first and second graders already didn't like some aspect of their body, right? So that's not the case for everybody. I'm pretty sure that if you're very mindful in how you teach young people to, like their bodies, or and I want to I want to add also we were talking about body positivity, but I think a lot of people have this idea of pressure that you have to love every single inch of your body every single day. And that's That's not reality. So I want to introduce body neutrality where you're just kind of, you're thankful, and you love a certain part of your body for its function and what it's done for you daily for people who might not necessarily be at a place yet where they're fully like, I love myself every day. I don't care what people think that's not the reality for everybody.
Melissa Landry 10:22
Yeah, we'll get there. But also including the fact that we can orgasm, that is something we can do. And I think that that is something that a lot of women, you know that tabooed is of like, pleasure and getting to that point. feels scary. But if you are working on neutrality, I would say that could fit as the same way we can exaggerate and I can walk or I can breathe or whatever you want to do. That's an organ to your downstairs. Okay, that's so yeah,
Cindy 10:48
like, I'm, I'm grateful that my clitoris gives me pleasure. You know? Yeah,
Melissa Landry 10:53
I was nervous. So for anyone out there who's like, Oh, my God. Let's listen to this podcast. So sorry, my mother in law, sorry. We're being brave and bold, so that others can.
Cindy 11:10
Totally.
Dalina Soto 11:11
And I love that you said that. Because we often talk about water after we talk about this all the time, this idea of body positivity, kind of like going too far. And how we do want to think about body neutrality. And you're right, it's so important to realize that you don't have to love your body every single day. And just like Melissa said, it doesn't mean that you don't deserve pleasure, if you're in a in a rough spot where you don't love your body. And also, like orgasms are great for your mental health. Deviating from my next question, but can we talk about that?
Cindy 11:42
Yeah, they are. Well, they release the good feel hormones, right? And that just makes your overall it has lowers your cortisol response, right? And cortisol is what hijacks your body and your mental state and your spiritual state all that stuff into fight or flight, fight, fight or flee, freeze, right? And so having an orgasm, really helps put your body into that parasympathetic nervous system, that your body is relaxed, right? You're not surviving, you're not fighting, flying or freezing. Yeah, you know, and that can be really hard. You know, I'm not saying that everybody like, is at this place. And if you're not experiencing that, that's wrong. But it could be very helpful. And it could be an exercise that people can be mindful of, to start exploring their bodies and seeing what feels right.
Dalina Soto 12:36
And I think that actually is a great segue into what I was going to ask. Before I asked that question, which was, how do you reclaim your pleasure, like for ourselves versus like trying to look or serve your partner, which I think growing up in the Catholicism and other about Christianity, I could only think about like growing up Catholic, it's more of like, my body was not meant for pleasure. For myself, it was more meant for pleasure for my husband. And it didn't matter if I experienced that pleasure or not, because really, it was more about like, the pain having kids than it was about me enjoying sex. And it's more of like, it doesn't matter whether you have an orgasm or not. And like my body was just made for kids. Like, I grew up, yeah, right? Like my wifely duties and then birthing my children. And then that's it like, you don't deserve anything else. And that's obviously not the case. So how can we reclaim that for ourselves?
Cindy 13:35
Yeah, that's a really, really great question. I think first of all, we have to understand that sexuality and sexual expression evolves as you develop and become an adult. And then eventually you become a more seasoned adults or older advanced age, and that doesn't mean that your sexuality is gone. I think there's different markers Zelena, like you mentioned, where if you give birth that your sexuality is like, gone, right, you do. You did your job, you reproduce like you're not sexual anymore. And then there are there's another marker, right? If you hit menopause, guess what you're like, dried up, and you're done, like shop closed. You know, so there's these different ideas that just continue to make us feel like pleasure is something we have to reclaim when it should, it is part of just existing as a human. So some ways that we can do that is first of all, taking a look at what was taught to us about pleasure, all the things he was mentioned growing up in Catholic school or, or Catholicism, you know, what were the ideas that were told to you about pleasure? Was it something that was hush hush. Was it something that you were made to feel shame or guilt about? How are you carrying that when you think about these things how does your body responding Another way is doing an exercise. Really being bold and standing in front of the mirror and looking at your body without clothes. And being like, this is my body. This is what it looks like. And it deserves to feel pleasure deserves to feel good.
Melissa Landry 15:20
One thing that my mind is kind of gravitating towards is when we think about intuitive eating, which is the framework Dalina and I leverage is dieticians, the hub of that is satisfaction, everything you're doing as an intuitive Eater is to move towards satisfaction, and you're not going to always get it right and it won't be perfect. And I think you're almost coming from that same perspective where when we give ourselves permission to eat, we're more likely to have satisfying food experiences. When we give ourselves permission for pleasure, we're more likely to have satisfying sexual experiences. So I do think what you're talking about Nestle so nicely, like a generalizes. From that worldview that our clients learn when they're working with us, it's nice to see it's nice when things kind of connect like that, and hopefully empowers people, if you found some peace with food, what if that could generalize to other areas of your life?
Cindy 16:11
Definitely, like, all these different aspects in your life are so connected, you know, the, the mind, the body and the spirit, you know, it's all connected, you are just like one vessel of all of that manifesting, you know, and part of that is sex, sexuality and pleasure. Yes, yes.
Dalina Soto 16:29
And I think to bring it back to kind of like what you were saying at the beginning of like, colonization, and just how that intersects with all of this, I think, you know, Melissa and I have had really tough conversations about this, like, we just talked about it in the episode that's gonna air probably before this, which was social determinants of health. But we talked a lot about, you know, just race and how that intersects. And then I think that also intersects with pleasure as in like, you know, we live in this world that prioritizes, the hustle mentality, perfectionism, kind of like that patriarchy of like, we just had to do do do do do, and we can't take time to have pleasure, or even just, like, have time for ourselves. People feel so guilty when they're not productive, right? When you feel that way, you never make time for the pleasure, because pleasure doesn't seem productive. But it is productive. Because, like you said, it's helping you release all of these hormones that help you reduce and break the stress cycle, right? Like, it kind of is like one of our body's mechanisms of like helping us stop that fight or flight. Freeze. Stick it's like built into us.
Cindy 17:50
Yeah, yeah, literally like your body functions in that way. And it's really amazing when you think about like, Oh, my body can experience pleasure. Well, what does that feel like to me? And then you can start exploring that, and you can start exploring not only what feels right, but what doesn't feel right. I'm always going to preach about consent, and informing yourself and informing who you're trying to, you know, have sex with. I don't like this, these are my boundaries, you know, and speaking up about it. And I think that that also comes into the purity culture, that, that it didn't teach us, you know, it's we were mentioning like, Oh, we're in service of our partners. But we're not taught that we don't have to be, you're you're not you're not existing to serve somebody else. You're existing to build and create a relationship if you choose to do so, with somebody that respects your body and respects who you are,
Melissa Landry 18:54
what relationship is. So it links back to like, these ideas that when we talk about colonisation, and race and all these things, the reason why I think it's important understand this is that for so long, lots of groups of people were not invited, to have space to feel safe and to create this in their lives. And so, Delaney, you talk a lot about this, I learned from you a lot, but it's particularly for people who, like my parents. My mother is a second generation Italian American. My grandparents are immigrants here and so I see this with her sometimes where she doesn't think she deserves to rest because her parents didn't and I think that trickle down to me. Dalina talks a lot about this as well being the oldest daughter in her family. What's the eldest daughter in Encanto that you Luisa Luisa? Okay. Yes, no. The Lana equals Louise was about me to
be the oldest. Yeah, okay. We're older sister. Diving. Anyway. So I want to ask you guys like, especially for people who maybe are the first in their families, we talked about that. In this podcast, like we want our listeners to become the first in their families to break their dieting cycles, this might extend to pleasure and your relationship to that. What do you guys think about that? I'm a little further removed from that than you are.
Dalina Soto 20:14
I agree. I agree that this is about bringing on the generational trauma. Right. And Cindy, I think you could definitely discuss a lot more. But I think now we're going to talk about it, Gunther. But the reason Encanto resonated so much and I know, it feels weird to talk about that will be when we're having this conversation, but bear with me,
Melissa Landry 20:32
we're gonna bring it together. Yeah.
Dalina Soto 20:34
But it talks about like, every character is like a trauma or something that just has been like passed on their generation generation. And again, like Luisa literally, at the you know, she's meant to serve others, right? Like she said, she can't take what's the part in the song that says, like, if I'm not crap, now, I can't think of the words for the song.
Cindy 20:56
My brains like singing the
Dalina Soto 20:58
song, but I'm not going fast enough. But there's a point where she's like, if I'm not serving others, and what am I doing? Right? It's not I don't, I can't remember the exact words, right? But then at the Oh, spoiler alert, crap. I'm just gonna say if you didn't watch skip, fast forward 30 seconds. But then at the end of the movie, when they rebuilt a seat that her and he said are singing and she like sits down. And he says, like, no good rest.
Cindy 21:24
Notice it again. Now. Yeah,
Dalina Soto 21:27
it's like a full circle moment. Because deceit that brings a hammock out, and she lays down after she puts down the big pot. And she's like, I don't know if I can do this. And he said, it's like, yes, you can, and then like, put her down, and then start creating something that's not perfect. And then it goes into her. So it was like a full circle moment of like, we're taught like, again, to serve everybody, but never take care of ourselves and all of this interplays with what we're talking about today, right? Like, you go, go, go, hustle, hustle, hustle. And you just never take time.
Melissa Landry 22:02
And it's gonna feel uncomfortable. Like, yeah, senior describing, like, I think everyone's sort of like, okay, I'm aspiring to be more sex positive and include pleasure, I'm aspiring to be an intuitive eater, whatever it is, therefore, I try and I'm jumping off the deep end, like, you know, back to this consent conversation, like you're leaning into it, and you're getting feedback. And if it feels uncomfortable, you have permission to pull back, you don't have to go to the extremes of your mind, just because you're ready to start exploring this. I think that's a really important thing to say. And same with intuitive eating, like you can consent to the process. If it feels like too much too fast, you can always pull back and still move toward these ideals for pleasure for satisfaction, if it's something that's calling to you these days.
Cindy 22:48
Mm hmm. Yeah, definitely. No, I think going back to the movie, it's, it's funny, I was watching it with my husband. And then he's like, that's, you know, I was like, Oh, my God, it is me, you know, as the oldest sibling of all sisters, as well. And first generation born in the United States. It's, it's like all these different intersectional factors. And when we're talking about breaking that generational trauma in my family, we never talked about sex. You know, my parents tried their best. And I think when they taught me, no, not, I think I know, when they taught me, it came from very much a fear based mentality, because my dad was 16. And my mom was 17. So they were afraid that their kids were going to do the same thing. And just struggle and try to raise a kid and be a young, young kid raising kids. So they really, really taught us to, or at least spoke to me about what not to do, and basically was like, Don't have sex at all. You know, or that when you have sex, this is why your relationship is not healthy, you know, which which are not, it's not, that's not necessarily the case. It's the lack of education, that puts us in situations where we don't recognize behaviors that are not beneficial to us in our mental state in our in our physical health. It's the behaviors that are the problem, not necessarily the, the action itself,
Dalina Soto 24:25
you know, for sure. I love that. I love how we dislike tied Encanto into all of this, and
Melissa Landry 24:35
everybody uncomfortable, needed to be said has been said, No, it's been said it's been said,
Dalina Soto 24:39
but yeah, I Yeah, it's always a fear, a fear based thing. And I think Melissa and I talk a lot about that on the podcast, like, almost everything we learn in life is from a fear based perspective. And it's so hard to kind of like, remove ourselves from that right like ourselves from from this idea that like, I'm allowed And I can and so I think the next segue to the next question would be like you said earlier pop culture fashion just like the media itself always suggests that our bodies to to look a certain way. Right. So like no body hair you know, perfectly perky boobs the BBL, which is the Brazilian butt lift for people that don't know, flat bellies, perfect skin, no bumps, no stretch marks, none of that. And so
Melissa Landry 25:31
for some wedding this way, yeah, bodily functions at all. Barbie doll.
Dalina Soto 25:38
Exactly. And so I know for myself, this has been a struggle, but also for a lot of our listeners like this idea of how can we make more peace and feel less shame about our bodies, when it does look different from what the media is putting out there, which I'm going to be honest, probably like, 99% of people look different.
Melissa Landry 25:58
Now to a more like, micro micro level here, because I think for a lot of clients, like yes, it's the media. But I think for a lot of clients, they have overheard a former partner or a current partner, say, I just had a client the other day where the former partner was watching TV, and she's so hot, and then his calling hot is always in the same body type. And so if so facto, am I desirable to you, my real life partner. So I do think there's this like, global thing that makes people think this but I just there's, there's interpersonal interactions, sort of like when people describe when I lost weight, people were complimenting me. And then when I gained it back, they said nothing. It's not a direct attack against your body. But you're putting you're putting together the dots here about what what you perceive this other person cares about. So I just want to put that into our conversation, because I think a lot of people aren't quote, like, making it up out of the ether. Like they actually have experiences where someone said their bigger body was a belly was on attractive, for example. So
Cindy 27:00
discuss, yeah, no, that's unfortunate. You know, and, and that can be hard. And that can scar you, you know, I could imagine that could scar you. And this is where I think having an understanding of yourself and what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate in your relationship, and what will make you feel desired and loved. Because you deserve that in just communication style. If you're with a partner that's making you feel bad about your body just existing the way it does, that says something about them, not you.
Melissa Landry 27:38
Right. And getting that inner self talk to notice it, and be able to say that's that's a skill, right? And for a lot of people, they think well, I would never it hurts too much at that first hearing of that phrase or that interaction. Yes. And it is a skill to cope through that hurt and to have that inner boundary setting which can become outer boundary setting over time.
Cindy 28:02
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think, you know, I'm not saying here, go break up with somebody because they, they told you this or that, you know, I think it's, there's a lot at play here. When it comes to relationships, it's so complex. But what I really want to drive home for listeners is that really knowing yourself is really is what's going to be important here, it's what's going to lead you into getting to a place if you want to become more sex positive, having healthier communication with a partner. And sometimes that can be like, hey, what you know what you said the other day, I really didn't appreciate that, like, that did not make me feel good. Yeah, you know, and then direct, you know, if it's safe to do so then having that conversation with them. If it's not safe to do so, then, you know, that that's a whole other thing that we would that would have to be whole other episodes.
Dalina Soto 28:58
You know, feeling safe is very important, and all of the conversations that we have, and then that's what you know, almost like bringing it back to like consent, right? Like if, like, you have to have this relationship where you can be able to express how you feel express your consent, but also express, you know, things that you don't like, because relationships go both ways, right? It's, again, about just pleasing the other person. It has to be both but also you have to be I think what where I'm going with this is like you have to be comfortable in your own body, right? And experience pleasure for yourself a lot of the times before you feel comfortable letting other people help you with the pleasure. I don't know if that's making sense, right? Because I feel like a lot of the work like you said earlier like has to be done kind of like by ourselves on our own to explore and like learn about our bodies. And connecting with ourselves is so important because like this is the one relationship you're going to have forever. motors come and go whether, you know, we expected or not. And so being comfortable in our own skin and being comfortable in our own sexuality is important. And part of all of this, right?
Cindy 30:14
Yeah, no, absolutely. And I think also, we don't hear very much of a conversation being had about how this affects all genders, right? Any gender men even right, if men are not fits, they probably have body image issues too, right? Because that's what they that's what you're seeing on on movies and TV, or that's how you hear from family members, or, you know, growing up, if you were, if you were a child that was, quote, unquote, overweight, you know, then then that's going to be something that's going to grow with you and manifest in how you connect with somebody with a partner. What I do want to say is understanding like, what could be helpful in reclaiming your pleasure is create a list. What is like your green light things like, down for this? You can touch me here, having that discussion prior to engaging in sex, you know, you don't want to just like jump into it like, Okay, what do you have to, you'd have to like schedule this time to do it prior to right. That's where people have this idea that it's like, well, it's, it's off putting, like, it's gonna kill the mood, like, No, I want my partner to know, because I want to feel good. And I want you to know what feels good to me. So that way, we can have a good time.
Melissa Landry 31:37
Yeah, I mean, it's like have that conversation once or have 10,000 Shitty sexual experiences. Yeah. It's it's pick your poison here. It gets uncomfortable, get that uncomfortable and is over one so that it never you can enjoy.
Dalina Soto 31:51
And I think your partner will appreciate it, because they're not going in blind.
Melissa Landry 31:56
I know. It's so true. To find out that women fake orgasms or like would like the first woman to tell them, that didn't work for me. It's that's hard for them to hear. So let's get that information out early and sooner. So that Well, I
Cindy 32:09
think, I think also, it's, it's unfortunate, but the patriarchy bites men in the butt too. Because to be masculine is to know how to do sex already. You don't need instruction. If you're really a man, then you're going to know how to please a woman automatically know, the how, how would you even know? Like, this is why I teach this. This is why education is so important.
Dalina Soto 32:37
I never thought about it that way there.
Melissa Landry 32:41
Her head exploded. But if I had put it back together.
Dalina Soto 32:45
You're right. You're right. I think that that's a double standard I had never even thought to consider like that i I'm always learning but it definitely blew my mind. And this is why we
Melissa Landry 32:54
bought this is why we bought.
Dalina Soto 32:57
And I will say and correct me if I'm wrong, Cindy, but I think one other thing that we can do to kind of like reclaim our body or pleasure and just like be uncomfortable with our body is if you're into like porn or anything like that, like one watching like ethical porn, and then porn that's like, actually real and not like, fake, even if I don't know, even if it is fake, but like real bodies, I will say like, there you can find, you know, porn that is going to book like, regular people and have like the same type of ideas that you do. I forgot if I read it, where did I read this? It was like an article that kind of like was going through, you know, porn sites and things like that. And, you know, most of the ethical ones you have to pay for, but they were going through the research and they were saying how like, people actually search for like real bodies more than like, the other type of board like that is actually more popular. Specifically for people that identify as women. It was like top like 80% Like, search for like regular bodies or like, like not posed or mature or immature. Yeah, yeah. But like, this article was like, that, like blew my mind. Because I would always think the opposite. Like, I feel like people would want that like, poids thing, but it's not.
Cindy 34:19
Yeah, I'm glad that we're having the pornography conversation. Because again, like pornography is something that young people turn to and most of us probably turned to, because we didn't have the sex conversation tend to turn to porn and think, oh, okay, just do this. And obviously, I see that that's working there. So I'm gonna try this. But like, you're not even having a conversation like each person you decide to have sex with. There needs to be a conversation. You know, there there has to be a conversation of like, Alright, we're gonna do this together. I like this. I find it really hot when you touch me here or when you use your tongue here. or when you suck on this, you know, and, and there's nothing wrong with that. That's great. That's awesome. That's healthy and natural and normal.
Melissa Landry 35:09
I think we all need to hear that right? I don't think I've ever heard someone say that phrase, I implicitly came to that conclusion through my own, you know, self study and wading through the internet and all the rest in my lifetime, but we don't hear that message. Like, it's okay to want what you want. And it's okay to work toward. I don't know, being okay that you are a desirable person. Like I think that is very difficult, I think for people to it's like a modesty thing to like, that comes up like it's okay that you are desirable. You are, you are,
Cindy 35:42
yeah, it's okay that you're desirable. And it's okay. What your desires are, I think when we think about pornography, again, because of purity culture, it's seen as like, Oh my God, you're a sex addict. You're a sexual deviant. You are a pervert. Right? Right. But you're not, you know, sex, sexual desires. And the way you express sexuality, like that's, that's its own thing it has no, it does not define you as a person. And it does not add or take away value from you. Your desires are yours. And whether you decide to share whatever things that you're into, maybe you want to try certain kinks, or maybe you're into certain playing with certain toys, whatever that may be, you know, certain categories, it shouldn't make you feel ashamed. It's just part of how you express your sexuality.
Melissa Landry 36:42
Yeah. And the meanwhile, your listing idea, I think is very small step and actionable. And even if that happens with yourself to start to have like, that conversation. I know many of my clients have talked about, like, their partner, brushing their belly during sex will immediately shut them down. Feeling like, you know, we got to keep the lights off. That's not a thing that clients mentioned. So if right now that is a criteria for you to feel safe to have sex, it's okay to hang out there for a little while. Yeah. And I think people like Cindy and other therapists are out there if you'd like to safely explore how to move that that meter along, because that's not worth doing it I do to bring their incomes up. And we we definitely talk about it as a roadblock to feeding yourself and taking care of yourself. But it's just so wonderful that you exist, because I'm positive. People are probably very excited to talk with you once they finally get you here.
Cindy 37:42
Yeah, I'm glad I'm happy to talk about these things, because they're so important. And I always go back to like, the most basic thing that we can think about when it comes to sex. None of us would be here if somebody didn't sleep with somebody else. I mean, is that
Melissa Landry 38:00
cut off an arm and a new one?
Cindy 38:03
Most of us most of us to people who love Yep. And we're here.
Dalina Soto 38:08
Yep. And no offense to anybody that was created by IVs but they still needed the parts. Yes.
Melissa Landry 38:15
I guess because I feel like
Dalina Soto 38:16
in our age group there are some people that were one of the first Yeah, very true. Exactly. You know don't think about it that way but I think that you know, I love where this conversation one I wish we could talk about this for hours but can you tell everyone Cindy where they can find you? And if they want to work with you how they can because
Cindy 38:38
yeah, yes, you can find me on Instagram that's where I'm most active at how let the womb has to T's all one word. And then my website you know, I have a contact form there I work specifically doing group workshops, training staffs, you know, if you work with an organization or if you work at a school, I can train people doing that I talk all about gender sex, sexuality pleasure, even the fertility awareness method we didn't get into that but it's a talking more about birth control contraceptives. STIs are a conversation to that needs to be had. Yeah, all those things. So go to my website, how about the womb calm again, that's with two T's and hit me up hit me up to train you to help you explore these very exciting yet sometimes nerve wracking conversations.
Melissa Landry 39:34
We will put all of that in show notes so run over there guys, if you want to check out Cindy stuff. I will be honest, I did feel maybe a teensy bit nervous having this conversation today. But I want everyone to know that because sometimes you just got to show up and see where things go and I just I feel like really empowered right now.
Dalina Soto 39:53
But do you the sex made Melissa uncomfortable?
Melissa Landry 39:56
Wait, do we know why the kids right sex? Is it just Yes any trends? To explain this to me,
Cindy 40:01
I can I can explain it. So for everybody listening, it's S, E, G, G s. And the reason that that's used is because of censorship, censorship that's going on in social media. So if you just spell out the word sex, sex, sometimes there'll be bans on it. Sometimes they won't put your put your post or your pretty talks or whatever. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, there's a lot of these censorships, which makes it really difficult for people like me who love talking about this stuff, and how to actually teach people how to do these things, and you know, have healthy relationships. It makes it really difficult for us. So that's why it's like coded that way.
Melissa Landry 40:43
I am, like, so embarrassed, like, behind the times, like when you're saying steaks, because it sounds silly to eggs. And I'm like, taking this on. I mean,
Cindy 40:50
maybe some people do it for that reason, but that's why I was
Melissa Landry 40:54
texting me. And I was like, What the heck are you? I was like, are you ready to talk about sex today? And she's like, What are you talking about? I was like, they're saying sex, right, though? Oh, my gosh, well, thank you. Now I feel even more educated and relevant. Alright, gals good talking today. Thank you so much for your time.
Cindy 41:14
Thank you. Bye, bye.
Dalina Soto 41:15
I hope you enjoyed this episode, as we know that it's really hard to dig into this, right, this whole text helps feel really, really hard, especially when you probably know as I do, if you grew up in a Catholic home, how purity culture has impacted our body image. And so I want you to take some time. And think about how that affected your body image, how it's affected even your relationship with food, because all of this is intertwined. And if you're ready to just take a look at how all of this intersects, I really want to invite you to check out the bundle on my website, because it helps you really understand how this process can help you not just in your relationship with food, but also your body image. So I hope that you check out the bundle over at yourLatinAnutrition.com and get started. Do you spend a little bit on figuring out how you can start healing your relationship with food and your body and breaking the diet cycle.
Melissa Landry 42:31
Thank you for offering that first step and thanks to all of you for being here and being who you are.
Dalina Soto 42:36
Please love and break the diet cycle.
