[Intuitive Eating Series] Principle 3: Make Peace with Food: Dalina interviews her former client Vanessa to discuss her experience:

Melissa Landry 0:04
Hi there, we are experts in intuitive eating for on again off again chronic dieters and we are here to help you take the guilt and stress out of eating so you can become the first in your family to break the diet cycle just like we are in our families. We want you to be who you are without food guilt. Be sure to follow us on Instagram. No more guilt for Melissa and your Latina nutritionist for delina

Dalina Soto 0:29
Are you ready? Let’s break the diet cycle. Well that’s your lap. It’s me Dalina. Before we start, I want to let you know that this episode is brought to you by your Latina nutrition you’re about to listen to is not a professional coaching or counseling session. Each episode is a one time conversation meant for educational purposes. We are dieticians. But we’re not your dietician. Remember that podcasts don’t constitute treatment. If you have concerns about your diet and behaviors, seek out guidance from a medical or mental health professional. And if you’re looking for a community tools to ditch the diet, help with finding authentic health and keeping your culture alive. Join my membership brought to you by today’s sponsor me.

Alright, everyone, Welcome, welcome. Welcome to this very special episode on making peace with food, which in my opinion, is one of the hardest principles because diet culture teaches us fear around food. And so today I have a client Vanessa, who’s gonna be kind of accepting her journey in making peace with food. And we’re gonna give you some tips on how to feel better around this principle. So Vanessa, tell us about yourself. Ola.

Vanessa 1:56
My name is Vanessa. I am born and raised in the island of Puerto Rico. I moved to Connecticut 20 years ago, actually, I’m a high school principal, and I love food. But yeah, I love it all the

Dalina Soto 2:13
time. Because when we started working together, you have so many questions about Puerto Rican food and how you could eat it and how you could make peace with it?

Vanessa 2:25
Yes, that’s right. I don’t remember really how I came, you know, I came across my Latina nutritionist, but I found you and your message was so disruptive that I needed. I was intrigued. I needed more. I was conditioned always to think that diet equals health. And here you’re telling me that I don’t need to diet to be healthy, and that I can honor my culture and my my foods. And that’s really what made me want it to know and learn more about intuitive eating. Yeah, I spent my whole entire life dieting, one diet after the other. And that’s how I lived. And not a healthy way to live.

Dalina Soto 3:11
I have to say not a fun way to live, right? Like it’s just so it’s such a struggle, right? Because it’s this inner struggle between I want to be healthy. And I’m told that I have to do this to be healthy. But I don’t feel like that I learned the nurse struggle. Right? And we’ve all been there. And you know, we want all of you listeners to understand that like we have all been on that struggle bus of like, I don’t even know what to eat anymore, because I’m just so afraid of it right? So this idea of making peace with food is just so scary. So I wanted to break down the make peace with food right into three topics that I think that a lot of people deal with it. I know you’ve Vanessa have dealt with it right? So at first, when we hear make peace with food, right? We get super scared. And a lot of the times, we don’t realize that while we don’t have that peace of a relationship with food, we’re perpetually stuck in this binge restrict cycle, right that occurs. When we deprive ourselves. Then there’s the fear of school giving yourself unconditional permission to eat. And then finally, when you’re trying to make all of this happened, right? I try often to teach you all about eating with intention and connection. And that also feels really weird. Yes, we’re gonna break we’re gonna break that down. How do you feel about these three topics strongly.

Vanessa 4:45
I feel strongly about special unconditional permission. Yeah. All right.

Dalina Soto 4:52
Well, let’s start with the binge restrict cycle because I think that a lot of people don’t realize that they’re in the cycle. And so this is one of the first things We we kind of have to let go in order to make peace with food, right though the bed restrict cycle is this, I’m gonna eat this food, I’m going to be really, really, really good. So then you try to do that for a few weeks, a few days, even sometimes a few hours you tell yourself, I can’t have this part ticular food, then you no longer can take it, you’re like screw this, I can no longer continue restricting. So I’m just gonna go buckwild and eat all of this food. And then the guilt and shame arrived. And then you’re like, Oh, I gotta do this all over again, I gotta restrict. So we’re constantly in this binge restrict cycle. So have you been there?

Vanessa 5:41
Yes, for many, many, many years. And diets by nature are very extreme, like you cannot eat anything or you know, it’s group certain groups of food that you cannot eat. And you have to deprive and it gets to a point that you don’t have any middle ground or balance or you don’t, it’s either all or nothing. And I had the last diets that I did actually, were in the sense that I couldn’t eat for many, many, many hours. I was watching the clock, I was hungry. All I kept thinking was food, when can I eat and then I would bench everything that I could eat in those few hours that I had. After restricting all day I had like, I don’t know, let’s say six hours. So I would eat everything on anything. And that was my cycle for two years. And that is exhausting. It’s draining. It’s I was not happy. Yeah. And I’m stressed because you’re you you’re only thinking about food.

Dalina Soto 6:46
Yeah. And then you think you’re obsessed with food. Your body’s just like, I gotta eat.

Vanessa 6:53
Yes, get me some food. And I didn’t understand that. I can dieting and dieting and

Dalina Soto 6:58
dieting as you thought that you were obsessed. Basically, that’s what diet culture has told you. Right? If you think about food, if you like food, if you want to eat it, something’s wrong with you. You’re obsessed that should only be hours in calories out. Yes. Right. So it’s such a weird place to be right. But well, we can take a step back and see it. I think in this way we can all view appointment our life or some situation or something that’s happened where we’ve been stuck in that binge restrict cycle. And now we know it just like Vanessa, you can get yourself out of it. You don’t Yes, to stay in that vicious circle. You can break it now you can break the cycle. You can. Okay, the next question for you is,oh, you said that unconditional permission to eat was the hardest. So I want to see if you can tell me what were your top three fears.

Vanessa 7:57
Wow, my top three fears after hearing that phrase unconditional permission to eat? Was was I going to gain excessive amounts of weight? Yeah. Or would I find weight stability? That was my first one. My second one was is this sustainable? Will I be able to do this? And we talked about it. And by that I forgot how to eat like a normal. I don’t even know like normal is the right word or regular meal. Like I forgot what like some diets you cannot eat bromptons you cannot eat carbs. Like I forgot what it what a regular meal looks like. So is this sustainable for me? Yeah. And the other thing was what I love my body when it’s finally settled on a specific way, and that phrase unconditional permission to eat. I was really scared because I did not know if I could trust myself without rules and regulations. And strict rules are things that I cannot and can’t eat. So those were my three biggest concern fears when approaching this. So how did you get here? Well, I every day is a new day. When I finally decided to invest myself and work with you, I went all in because I knew that you were saying something that maybe was making sense. Finally, in my head, the excessive weight, I know that I will not get it because I am trying to balance not only the food, but my emotional health, my mental health, the conditions surrounding me. So it’s more than food. I’m trying to have a balanced, holistic, I don’t know if that is the correct word to this approach. I am moving and finding things to do. And I am not thinking on food, you know at all all the time. So I think I am again I’m working everyday on it. It’s not that I am already prospective the delina method limits, but is that I perfected it. But every day like you once said, Every day is a new day, every meal is a new meal. And I have noticed that even though I am giving myself permission to eat, I’m not benching or restricting. And I’m listening Finally, and it took some time. It’s been three months, I’m listening to my body, I’m listening to when it’s hungry, when it’s full. I don’t need if I’m not hungry, and like you said, One, sometimes I eat a little bit more sometimes I don’t eat that much. It’s just that every day is is a new day. And if I need to take it one hour at a time, I’ll take it one at a time. Yeah,

Dalina Soto 10:51
I love Love, love hearing that. And I think, you know, for those of you that that are so afraid, like Vanessa was making peace with food, if it takes time, I remember Vanessa having the session with me and being like, Can I use my you can eat whatever you want.

Vanessa 11:19
And now that I have permission to eat it, it’s not that I’m craving it all the time. I just when I need it out, eat it. And I am very happy to include my food, my culture in it, like it’s back in my life, because I had put it aside thinking that, and again, I’m not hating on some foods, but I thought kale was the only thing that was healthy. And it’s not like, there’s so much nutrition like you weren’t very well said once in everything. So it’s just finding what I want what I crave or one at a time and just going with it.

Dalina Soto 11:59
Yeah, so how long I remember I don’t remember if he told me how long it had been since you ate Puerto Rican food. But how do you remember how long it had been?

Vanessa 12:08
A few years like years? Oh, like yeah, that I I eliminated most of it because in my mind, it was not good or it was not healthy and come to think about it after you know chatting with you the nutrients and how rich it is in in in many ways. So I’m just incorporating it back and enjoying it again having you know childhood memories which is the best Yeah, and enjoying family and company and the food and you know, not being so obsessed on the scale or numbers or things that really are not even important.

Dalina Soto 12:51
Yeah, so that’s fear of your body changing kind of like fettled because your brain is energized your your body’s energized and so you’re no longer obsessing about that. So that kind of obsession on your body also kind of the middle it’s not going to goes away always right. We still have those thoughts, but it becomes better because you’re nourished.

Vanessa 13:13
Yes. And I’m not thinking obsessing about about food, I have energy to go on walks, to go hiking, I do the movements that I really enjoy. And I see them as punishment. But I have to do this because I eat a cupcake. No, I ate a cupcake and I enjoyed it. And if I want to walk on walk and do a zoom, but you know I’m trying to find joyful things to do so I can move especially after this year that everybody has been sitting down your computers

Dalina Soto 13:42
and you actually I remember you telling me that you didn’t you felt like you didn’t have energy to move like you were just exhausted and I remember thinking and tell him you like it’s because you’re not eating.

Vanessa 13:51
Yes. And I remember the conversation and now that I’m eating know that I’m getting what my body wants and needs. I am energized I’m sleeping better. I am really so excited about this that there’s no way anybody can go back after finding the benefits and you know, intuitive eating and again, some things could be difficult to change or ditch but it’s it’s doable and I am the happiest that I’ve been in years.

Dalina Soto 14:21
Yeah I’m so happy to hear that and and I know that you said something about body love right and you know that I don’t like the body love you gotta respected even if you don’t love it, what do you think that the respect you have for your body has changed after you gave yourself that permission to eat? Like a talk a little bit about how that has changed your relationship with your body.

Unknown Speaker 14:46
Yes, now that my body is like settling in it’s it’s way it’s way I see it differently. I like it. I like it. I wear comfy clothes. I’m not as obsessed as you know, into How do I look? I just, if I wear something like shorts, I haven’t worn shorts in ages. So now I’m wearing shorts. I’m comfy like you. I, I. So yeah, I like you said, I’m respecting it and accepting it as it is. And as you’ve been will said, at some point, we will never go back to high school grown. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we’re grown. We work at that. But he changes genetics have some, you know, some things to do with that. So I all of that, you know, I’ve been thinking about it and reflecting and this is me now, and I’m enjoying things now the way I am. And I wanted to add that, and we talked about this that I was waiting to do yoga. Yeah, until I got to a certain weight. And yeah, and and that was not feasible, or that was not going to happen. And what is really helping me is that now in the media, you can see all shapes and bodies. And that’s wonderful. That is something that has motivated me to pursue and enjoy things that otherwise I would have waited. And never do. Because I was waiting to be that perfect way that there’s no such thing.

Dalina Soto 16:28
Exactly. So making peace with food, opened up the doors to so many other things. You because You had brain space? Yes, I do have it. Right. So this idea of making peace with food is more than just about eating. It’s about having the mental space, and capacity to do other things that don’t have a lot to do with food, because food isn’t taking up all of your time is it and I feel like for so many people that is so hard to grab. But it takes time, like you said, like you’ve been doing this for about three months, and it’s not perfect. And I’m sure you have good days, and I’m sure you have bad days. And sometimes you got to pick yourself up again and be like you now see how the world has opened up, the possibilities have opened up to just live your life now instead of waiting, and waiting and waiting on the clock to be able to eat and waiting on the clock for one to stop and then do it all over again. Because that thing I don’t know how anybody does intermittent fasting because what you were doing,

Vanessa 17:44
yeah, but we’re conditioned to do like, we get so many messages from media and but I’m glad you know where I am right now and excited that I decided to, you know, invest in myself and given to it of eating the opportunity. Yay.

Dalina Soto 18:02
I’m so excited to hear that. Now, this is something that I always talk about in the groups. This is something that I learned from Evelyn herself when I did her supervision groups, and she talks these talk slightly about it. I feel like in the in the book, when it’s not like laid out the way that she laid it out to us. And I think that you know, one of the things that she was talking about and making peace with food is also allowing yourself to eat with connection and then right with that intention to feel good after you eat. So I’m constantly telling people like, if you’re going to eat pizza, and you’re in that binge restrict cycle, you’re probably going to eat more than what your body needs, right? So you’re going to end up not eating with connection, not eating with intent, getting a stomachache, or feeling groggy or feeling like crap, because you ate too much, right? So making peace with food, right? It’s holding yourself, okay, I’m at a pizza party, cuz you work at high school. And I know that I am not, you know, super, super hungry, but I want to enjoy this this party. So I’m just gonna have fun slides and walk away, right? Like that’s something that you could do because you’re eating with intent in connection, as opposed to when people are in that binge restrict cycle, they might go too far and eat too many slices of pizza or not eat any and then go home and binge later. So eating with intent and connection is knowing that you have the choice at all times to say yes to food, to say no to food, how much you want, right? And also if you want to come back for more you can do so right? It’s all about being connected, because if you feel crappy after eating something, why do you do it? Right? Right. But you can’t do that if you don’t have peace with food

Vanessa 19:58
and Funny you should bring that example of because yesterday actually, in my house, there was pizza. Oh my god man plan that we did not plan. And when you mentioned that because there was pizza, it was delicious. But I was not feeling it. I my eye was not craving it, I was not. So I decided to have something else a little bit about rocking and rolling. But the fact that, you know, had I been doing the diet that I was doing three months ago, I would have eaten half that data without thinking and then I would be feeling guilty. And, you know, crying myself to sleep? Of course not. But you know what I mean? Like, I would be all worried about what I did, I cannot go back and redo it again. So I just I was not feeling it. I was not. So I decided not to had something else. Like, what I really wanted was a little bit of something else. And I was not, you know, I didn’t restrict that. I just didn’t want it. So it was Yeah, it’s I have seen changes in me and, you know, eating with intent. And yeah, I love it.

Dalina Soto 21:12
It opens a world of possibilities. It does. It does. I can actually choose what to eat. You know, everybody always says, I want you to tell me what to eat, how much to eat and when to eat? And I’m like, No,

Vanessa 21:30
I can tell you that. No. No. And again, I have had my days that I eat more days that I eat less days that you know, it’s it this permission is very different to what I thought it was going to be. And it’s refreshing. It’s liberating. It’s headspace. It’s, it’s great. Yeah.

Dalina Soto 21:54
I’m so so so happy to hear that. So let’s summarize. Basically what Vanessa has said is that when you make peace with food, the binge restrict cycle is gone. Correct. You no longer live your life. Sponsor leave restricting. And then at the end of the day, bingeing, which is what so many people I hear Tell me, right, they think they’re emotional eaters. They think they’re stress eaters. I’m like, Really? Are you just not eating enough? Today, right. That’s one, right. And then second, those fears that you have around giving yourself unconditional permission to eat are real. They’re real. Because diet culture has told us that if we eat, we’re going to lose control, that if we give ourselves permission to eat, all we’re going to want is pizza and doughnuts and all the foods that they categorize as bad, when in reality, what it does is that you actually are able to choose, right? Correct. You’re able to pick what feels good and what tastes good at any moment in time. And you don’t have to be fearful of it. You can you can say no to pizza. Yes. feel guilty about it. Because sometimes you feel guilty, like, Oh my god, I don’t want to say no, because maybe someone’s gonna think I’m on a diet. Well, you’re not and you don’t give three flying craps anymore. You didn’t move on with your life and you learn how to eat with intention and connection. Because you know what your body needs because you’re so connected to it that you know what you for instead of pizza when it’s I want to Roscoe McCandless, yes, that’s the one that she got. So no guilt, no shame, because she was finally able to see food as equal, as opposed to a hierarchy of good and bad. And that was just so beautiful.

Vanessa 23:54
Oh, my God, I’m so happy. Thank you.

Dalina Soto 23:59
I just gave you the tools. And then you’re the one who lived it.

Vanessa 24:02
Well, I had a good teacher.

Dalina Soto 24:07
Before we move on, what would you say to people that you know, or we close off? What would you say to people that are like on the fence about starting their intuitive eating journey and are listening to this?

Unknown Speaker 24:18
I would tell them to give themselves chance. Invest in yourself. It’s worth it. And it is life changing? It is.

Dalina Soto 24:29
Yeah, I’m so happy to hear that. So we’re gonna wrap this up. Thank you so much for being here, Vanessa, and I’ll see you in the tools club with each other, but Bye. Alright, everyone, That was today’s episode, and I am so excited that Vanessa was on here just thinking all the praises of intuitive eating.

Melissa Landry 24:54
It’s hard not to once you get these skills and you start connecting with yourself like is there anything better than knowing yourself and understanding yourself.

Dalina Soto 25:02
I mean, she doesn’t think so.

Melissa Landry 25:06
The verdict is in from Vanessa. Vanessa is bumper like, I love it. Are there any like favorite moments talking to her? Especially like you had such an opportunity to like work with her for a period of time? Like, was there anything that really made you excited about her journey?

Dalina Soto 25:21
Well, something that she said to me after we were done recording, I was like, No, you should have said this when we were talking, recording, but she was saying just how like her partner and the people in her life have just noticed such a shift in how energize and happy and just how comfortable she is, right? Like her partner is like, you just happy to be comfortable, but also look happy, right? Like when people see you and they’re like, Damn, you’re at peace, like that.

Melissa Landry 25:56
Good. something’s changed. Yeah, yeah. I have to say you do such a nice job role modeling that like, you know, you’re a super skilled coach, but I also think your presence is awesome to be around. So thanks, Vanessa. Just have a little bit of that Stardust infused it into her own that makes me so happy, good work coach and made me Alright, so

Dalina Soto 26:19
yes, if you loved this episode, in depth as much as I loved recording it, we’d love Love, love for you to leave us a review wherever you found this podcast so that we can help other women like you looking to heal their relationship with food, find our amazing, Joe.

Melissa Landry 26:37
Did you see our most recent review the five stars and someone wrote I love getting to work on myself between sessions. It helps to drive home points and it’s picking me up on bad days. Thanks for providing the podcast is this not the nicest thing? So good. You know, we would love to hear from you guys. If you are using this between sessions with us or maybe your coach out there. Okay, if you are trying to figure this out on your own and making it happen. We’d love to get a rating or review from you to hear just how the podcast is working in your life. Yes, leave us that podcast review. So until next time, I guess we’ll see you all on Instagram just like clean and I found each other. Thanks for being here with us and being who you are, who you love and fight the diet cycle.